Archive for March 5th, 2010

An Open Plea To Facebook

I sent the following in an e-mail to Facebook, but I have high hopes that posting it here shall help as well.

Dear Facebook,

This is the third time I have written to you about my account being disabled. I think my account was hacked, because it started doing funky stuff, and then it was suddenly disabled. I do love facebook, and am deeply saddened to not have access to my account this week. I feel partially cut off from the world, a fact that you, as the administrators or at least an employee of this beloved company can appreciate, I do think. In fact, dear facebook I am taking this break up quite personally. What did I do to offend you? Will you give me a second chance?

Please, please help me restore my account to its former glory with all my pictures…and friends…and loveliness. Please. I beg of you. As you can see, this plea comes from the heart. I will change my password and never log on from an unsecure network connection. I will treat you with the greatest respect, if only we can once again have the relationship we have had in the past.

My account was in the e-mail address of w********@hotmail.com and my alternate e-mail addresses were *******.*.*******@gmail.com and ***************@gmail.com. I can give you my password as well if you would like that as proof, but you should know that I am legit. Dearest facebook, have we not had a relationship for nigh on four years now? How could this have happened with nary a sign that something was TRULY awry? How can you just dump me so unceremoniously?

My full name is Whitney A***** H******. I know this because my own dear mother gave it to me on the day of my birth, July 11th, 1986. If there is any other information you would like to have to further prove that this is me, and not a robot, hacker or other false source, PLEASE PLEASE LET ME KNOW!!!!! Because as close as we have been dear facebook, it seems SOMETHING has triggered you to believe the worst of me and therefore end this lovely thing we had going.

I would greatly, greatly appreciate your help in this matter. GREATLY. LIKE 1 KABILLIONx GREAT.

I hope that you, since I would like to believe that a real person reads the e-mail that comes to this address [disabled@facebook.com] which you have to admit, does not sound very friendly or personable, find my plea touching and find a way to help me. If you do not find this touching or do not care to help me please just let me know that as well so I can get on with my now facebook-less life.

Please, just give me another chance.


Whitney A***** H*******, a person who’s friends greatly miss her witty status updates and corny jokes upon their walls. She knows this due to the fact that her text messages and e-mails have quadrupled, the bulk  of them saying: WHERE DID YOUR FACEBOOK GO??? OMG!! or OMG WHY ARE YOU NOT ON FACEBOOK!!! I DIE!!! or I WENT TO SEE YOU ON FACEBOOK AND YOU WERE NOT THERE!!! HOPE YOU ARE ALIVE!!!

As you can see this is a matter of the utmost importance. Thank you kindly for what [I am sure will be] your speedy response and unparalleled attention to repairing my broken account.

Update: It worked! Sean with Facebook was kind enough to respond to my request and repaired my Facebook page!


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